Disciplining a child is an age old issue. However, things were easy with earlier generation as there were fewer distractions as compared to present times. But, the question still has its importance to date. When we say discipline, we mean that a person should behave in a way that is acceptable in the family and social environment. It also means that there is some uniformity and consistency in the behavior and day-to-day errands. Disciplining a child could be similar like taming a wild horse which howsoever not easy but is a requirement of all. Like the tremendous horsepower, the child, also has enormous energy that if not utilized well then can go in vain and rather cause destruction. Thus discipline has to be taught or rather enforced in some cases. How can you promote discipline in the child? How can you develop self-discipline in the child? Let’s try to fetch some answers..
What is Discipline?
Discipline is the process of teaching your child what type of behavior is acceptable and what type is not acceptable. In other words, discipline teaches a child to follow rules. Discipline may involve punishment, such as a time out, and, more importantly, rewards. It sounds so straightforward, yet every parent becomes frustrated at one time or another with issues surrounding children and discipline.
How can we say that the child is disciplined?
Children are generally energetic and impulsive. They are fugitive by nature. It’s not that they wish to be undisciplined but their biological growth makes them do the unnatural tasks and play pranks. In short, it is common for children to play pranks. A child is said to be disciplined when he/she can exhibit and restrain from playing pranks at times of requirement. Discipline is the ability to keep control over one’s instincts and show desired social behavior. If a child keeps self-control, exhibits good social behavior, gives respect to elders and peers, obeys the instructions/ suggestions of elders, and can control instinctive behavior then the child is said to be disciplined.
Types of Discipline:
Determining which type of discipline is right for your family should be a personal choice based on your temperament, your child’s temperament, and your family’s discipline philosophies. There isn’t a single type of discipline that will work for all kids or all families and in every situation. It’s likely that you might take an eclectic approach, where you use a few different techniques from each type of discipline.
1) Positive Discipline:
Positive discipline is based on praise, and encouragement. Instead of scolding a child, a team approach is often used to help kids learn problem-solving skills, and develop solutions. Positive discipline uses family meetings and an authoritative approach to addressing behavior problems. Example: A 6-year-old refuses to do his homework. A parent using positive discipline might sit down with the child and say, “I know your teacher wants you to get your math paper done tonight and you don’t want to do it. What can we do to get that paper done tonight so you’ll be able to show Mrs. Jancy that you got all your homework done on time?”
2) Gentle Discipline:
Gentle discipline focuses on preventing problems. Redirection is often used and although kids are given consequences, it’s clear that they are not being punished in a way that makes them feel shame or guilt. Instead, parents often use humor and distraction there is a big focus on parents managing their own emotions while disciplining. Example: A 6-year-old refuses to do his homework. A parent using gentle discipline might respond with humor by saying, “Would you rather write a two-page paper to your teacher explaining why you didn’t want to do your math tonight?” Once the situation is diffused, a gentle disciplinarian would likely offer to look at the math paper alongside the child to discuss getting it done.
3) Boundary Based Discipline:
Boundary-based discipline focuses on setting limits and making the rules clear up front. Kids are then given choices and there are clear consequences for misbehavior, such as logical consequences, or natural consequences, Example: A 6-year-old refuses to do his homework. A parent using boundary-based discipline would set a limit and make the consequence clear by saying, “You won’t be able to use any of your electronics tonight until your work is done.”
4) Behavior Modification:
Behavior modification focuses on using positive and negative consequences. Good behavior is reinforced with praise or rewards. Misbehavior is discouraged through the use of ignoring, and negative consequences. Example: A 6-year-old refuses to do his homework. A parent using behavior modification might remind the child of any prearranged rewards already in place by saying, “Remember, once you get your homework done, you get to use the computer for 30 minutes.” Praise would be offered if the child chooses to comply and any protests or whining would likely be ignored.
5) Emotion Coaching:
Emotion coaching is a five step discipline process that focuses on teaching kids about feelings. When kids understand their feelings, they can verbalize them rather than act on them. Kids are taught that their feelings are okay and parents help teach them appropriate ways to deal with their emotions. Example: A 6-year-old refuses to do his homework. A parent using emotion coaching would likely try to help the child identify feelings by saying, “I know it makes you sad that you can’t play all night long because there is work to done. Math can be really hard sometimes too and that makes you frustrated when you don’t know the answers or when it takes a really long time. Let’s spend a few minutes drawing a picture about how you feel when it’s time to do your math homework.”
6) Preventive Discipline
Teachers with effective classroom management strategies establish expectations, guidelines, and rules for behavior during the first few days of class. Clearly explaining expectations is an essential component for preventative discipline. The goal of preventative discipline is to provide proactive interventions to potential disruptive behaviors by clearly explaining to students what behaviors are and are not appropriate. The most basic component for preventative discipline is a concise outline about classroom expectations for students as well as for teachers; students need to know what is expected of them for the remainder of the class. Such guidelines might include rules regarding talking, homework or language use in the classroom.
7) Supportive Discipline
When a teacher offers a verbal warning or a suggestion for correcting behavior while a student is disobeying an established classroom rule, the teacher is using supportive discipline. Supportive discipline is distinct from punishment in that it provides a student with suggestions and options for correcting a behavior before a consequence is necessary. For example, if a student is wandering around the class after a teacher has announced it is time to sit down, the teacher may say, “I made the announcement that it is time to sit down. Find your seat so we can get started or I will need to hold you after class.” The student has been given the option to accept or avoid further punishment; the behavior has been redirected through a teacher’s supportive discipline strategy. Reminders, redirection, and nonverbal communication are all examples of supportive discipline.
What is Self Discipline?
One of the primary tasks of early childhood is to develop self-discipline. Parents often find themselves correcting their children for interrupting, being wild, not following instructions or for not controlling their hands or mouths. These all require self-discipline or self-control. Young children are by nature impulsive. Children have biological factors which increase impulsiveness. Part of the solution for impulse control is to learn self-discipline. A child armed with self-discipline has a tremendous asset for addressing life’s challenges. So many relational and personal problems can be avoided or controlled when one has self-control.
How to teach self-discipline to the child?
- Teach children to come when they are called.
- Teach children to respond positively to correction.
- Teach children to respond with a good attitude as well as right behavior. This requires self-control and helps children learn to control their impulses.
- Praise children when they demonstrate this quality and point out areas they need to work on. Encourage children to take on activities which build self-discipline. They may include sports, music lessons, a paper route, the responsibility of caring for a neighbor’s pet, memorization of scripture, a clean room, or a host of other activities.
- Use bed times to teach self-discipline . Some children have a hard time going to bed without creating a battle and this becomes a great opportunity to teach to children.
A wise parent will use childhood to prepare a child for success as an adult. Self-discipline is one of the most important character qualities a child can develop. Self-Discipline is a primary quality that will help children be successful in life. Ironically, spoiled children are not happy; children often are! A child armed with self-discipline has a tremendous asset for addressing life’s challenges. So many relational and personal problems can be avoided or controlled when one has self-control.
